Tell it to LoveProf!
by lucky7girl
Summary: If you have any love problem, tell it to Q, the love-prof! He'll definitely try to solve your problems! That's what Sasuke does  after his talk with Itachi about a certain dobe. Hints of KibaHina, ChoujiIno, NejiGaara, and Sasunaru. AU & UN-BETAED! Re-Up.


**Disclamer**: I disown all of it! From SasuNaru hints in the series to the continuing of Naruto series! Oh and the songs I mentioned here belongs to its right artist! Though the plot and UKR (University of Konoha Radio) is MINE! The inspiration belongs to my random mind, of course!

**A.N.**: This one for you, love. Happy birthday, my other half, I love you =,)

Special thanks to ChocolateCoveredBanana to tell me my stupid reckless mistake, thank U!

**Warnings**: cussing, mention on boyxboy relationship, AU & UN-BETAED (sorry for the grammatical error)!

* * *

><p>Sasuke glared at his handphone. How the fuck did Itachi get this absurd conclusion? How the hell did they talk about it anyway? Stupid Aniki.<p>

"Excuse me? Aniki, are you alright? I mean, are you using something? Drugs? Or are you drunk? Hell, are you sure it's not sex deprivation which cause you to act this...weird? How in this holy fucking world did you get that conclusion?"

"Sasuke."

"But it can't be! It's just..."

"Right?"

"No! What do you mean by 'right'? You should've been said that it's wrong!"

"Hn. But for you it isn't so why should I say that it is wrong?"

"Argh! You're supposed to be helping, not messing with my head!"

"But I'm helping you here"

"How so? You just said that I.. I..love that… that… obnoxious orange lover creature! The usuratonkachi! The ramen worshiper! My own very first MALE best friend! How the fuck is it possible?"

"Sasuke, you foolish little brother… Hn. Okay, let's try it again. I'll ask, you'll answer. Got that? Good."

_Like hell it's good, you stupid weasel!_

"Question no. 1, who's Naruto, for you?"

"Hn. Obnoxious orange lover, ramen worshiper, air-headed blond dobe. And my MALE best friend."

"How do you know him and for how long?"

"He approached me in playgroup, asked me to share a blanket for nap, and I shared it cause he looked really cute in the verge of tears. Until now, it's been 15 years."

"What do you hate about him?"

"Other than his blind fashion sense, overboard cheerfulness and obsession toward ramen? He's a dobe"

"What do you like about him?"

"His strong will. And his kind heart. And his smile. And his blue eyes. God, you must be blind if you don't recognize his eyes, Aniki…"

"Hn. What will you do if a girl asked him to go on date?"

"Are you losing your mind? The dobe will not go!"

"Why?"

"Because! Just because. I don't need to explain my answer. Because is good enough."

"What will you do if he asked a girl to go on date?"

"It'll never worked, if the bitch say yes, I'll sabotage it. You'll never know what's lurking in the wench's mind, Aniki. Better safe than sorry."

"If he asked by a boy?"

"I'll pummel the bastard to a bloody pulp. Uchihas don't share, you know that."

"Hn. What will you do if he ignores you?"

"Like that will happen. If so, let him be for a while, it's no use to poke Naruto if he's on his emo period. He's a cheerful emo, Aniki. Don't let the orangeness of him deceive you."

"What will you give him for birthday?"

"Though he hate it, I always gave him clothes."

"Why?"

"To span his horizon about the amazing thing called fashion, without orange."

"What will he give you in your birthday?"

"Tomato bento, onigiri included, and a book that I want. Do you know that he's capable to make the dishes by himself? Wonder why he just love ramen, his dishes are delicious!"

"How well do you know him?"

"Ask me anything about him; from his imaginary friend, it's name Kyuubi, he often shortened it to Q, and it's a nine-tailed orange fox, to his favorite boxer, it's the green with red swirl, I know it all."

"Who's the one he's in love with?"

"... I don't know. He had a crush on Sakura in middle school and totally single in high school. So my best guess is nobody."

_How blind you are, little brother._

"What will you do if he move?"

"What do you mean by 'move'? As in go to another region?"

"Yes."

"If that's what he want, I'll let him go, even if I'll…hate it when he's not around."

_You meant 'lonely', didn't you little brother…_

"Who's he hang out with?"

"Me, Gaara, Kiba, Shikamaru, Neji, Lee, Chouji, Shino and the girls."

"Who's the one he pull a prank with?"

"Me and Kiba."

"Who's the one he brawl with?"

"Me."

"Who's the one he said he'll never left?"

"His friends and family."

"Who's the one he saw as brother?"

"Kakashi, Iruka, Gaara and you. He just said it to me yesterday."

"Who's the one he saw as rival?"

"Me. He declared it for, what, ten years now."

"Who's his first friend?"

"Stupid question, Aniki. It's me."

"Who's his best friend?"

"Me."

"Who's the one he share a good news first or when he's happy?"

"Me."

"Who's the one with him when he's sad?"

"Me."

"Whose acceptation he cherish the most?"

"Mine"

"Who's the one he said as his most important person?"

"I don't know, he never said it to me."

"Then who is yours, little brother?"

"Beside our family, it's…him"

"My last then, do you want to make love to him?"

"ITACHI! WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Just answer it, Sasuke. It's an easy yes or no."

"But!"

"Your answer?"

"I..."

"Sasuke?"

"Yes, alright! Yes! I want to hold him, kiss him, fuck him senseless and make love to him. Fuck, I love him! Satisfied now? Pricky weasel."

...

_Oh my God. OH MY GOD! I said it. I love him, I LOVE HIM! What the…?_

"Damn. How could it be?"

"I don't know, Sasuke, but you got your answer. So, what will you do?"

"I… Just let me think about it, ok? Just… I need sometime, Aniki."

"Take your time, little brother. You need all the time you can get after those long denial. I hope, in the end, you'll choose the right choice. I'll say your hello to Mother and Father. Call me if you need anything, even a mock. Until next time, Sasuke."

Click.

_What will I do now?_

Sasuke only stared at his handphone then sighed.

* * *

><p>"Hello guys! How are you? How's your day? I hope it's as good as mine. Say, the next midterm test will come quicker than you thought but no worry; the lady luck may smile at you if you work hard enough!<p>

So keep trying! On this late night, already 10 PM on studio clock, let me accompany you and solve your love problem! Here you're listening with me, the Love-Prof host, Q, on UKR FM, Your Campus Life Broadcast Station. As for tonight, the weather-cast said it might be cold because of the spring's rain, so to warm you up, let's hear our first song, coming from R. Kelly with 'Love Letter'. "

**xxx**

Naruto turned the music player on, allowed the song to give another gentle swift for the mood of the night. He loves helping people. His friends always saw him as an overly cheerful, bubbly blond yet everybody know how kind-heart he is. But to stay as low profile as ever, he chose to work as the secret host of Love-Prof, a heart to heart talk program on University of Konoha Radio, with Q as pseudonym.

Among his friends, only his best friend who knows about this part-time job. I mean, see the one he picked as a best friend! His duck-butt hairstyle bearer friend will pass as no one than an ice prince, but yeah, still a prince at least (not that he will say anything about it in front of the bastard). Naruto still fumbled with the Love-Prof emails, the troubled hearts in University of Konoha who sent emails to asked his guidance ("The ultimate dense dobe?" as Sasuke will say but, hey, love needs all help it can get!) and pick his first mail.

**xxx**

"Like Jennifer Hudson asked in her song, where you at? Like this email from thelonghairheiress. Let's read her problem, ne?"

**_Dear Q, how are you?_**

" I'm good, thank you. "

**_Q, I need you help! What should I do to attract a friend of mine who I'd crush for so long time? It seemed like he never see me like I see him. I know that our friends didn't give him much credit but you must know that he's a very lovable person. My dog lover best friend, the one that stay with me no matter what, already asked me to forget this guy and move on! How could I when my crush is always nearby? Please, help me to decide, to move on or to continue crushing on this guy? Your confused listener, thelonghairhairess._**

"Wow, what a problem, girl but to put it simple, you're just in a phase. If he never sees you like you want him to see you, no matter what do you do then it's an empty catch.

"I'm sure that you're a lovely girl but let's face it. He's just not that in to you! I'm sure there will be another person who will feel grateful to get you as a girlfriend so, as your best-friend said, move on! I'm sure you will be happier if you do that and try to look around you. I think someone's already smitten by you, girl.

"Have you ever thought that maybe… this best friend of yours wants to be someone more than just a best friend? Ask and you might be surprise! Talk about surprise, let me surprise you with our next song, from the utterly unique Lady Gaga, this is 'Born This Way'!"

**xxx**

Naruto let a big grin to show on his whiskered face. 'Ha, I got you, Hinata! If that didn't make you move on then I don't know what!' Naruto is not that dense, mind you.

He's just, like he said, just not into that girl! It's totally obvious that his dog lover friend is in love with the Hyuuga heiress. It's not that hard to figure out anyway. The way Kiba gazed at Hinata is so gentle until your tooth almost tickled. 'Sasuke-teme is right about them then. God, how come that bastard pin-point something so sweet as young love?

'Wonder what else he does in his spare time, out from working on his papers, maintain his almost non exist social life and brooding! Gah, that teme! Ops, too much turn out, back to work, dattebayo!'

**xxx**

"You need to handle love gently, guys, 'cause even though love is strong, it's also bruised easily, just like our last song from Natasha Bedingfield. So, move to our second letter for tonight! It's came from flower-ownergirl.

**_Hey, Q! Hope you're well!_**

"I am, thank you!"

**_I truly need your help, Love-Prof! I'm almost desperate to attract someone whose first love is FOOD! What the heck should I do to make him see me as a pretty girl as any other guy see, not just his other childhood friends? Am I wrong to think that his gentle heart is sexy? He's an utterly gentleman in a big bear body but I love this guy! Please, any advice to make him fall for me just like I do for him? I almost gave up if not from a trusty info in our friends' circle that he fancies me! Please, I'm throwing a big SOS about love, Love-Prof! Your restless listener, flower-ownergirl._**

"A guy whose first love is food, huh? Easy, flower-ownergirl! Use the oldest tactic to seduce men, girl! You just need to seduce him via his stomach! How good you're in kitchen? If you're good, then make his favorite food as often as you like! Put some effort and try to make other dishes he may love. Or if you need help in kitchen, asked for his help!

"You may got surprise about your food lover boy ability to make a dish. And importantly, don't try to make him ditch his first love. It won't make your point increase on his eyes. As you say, you love his heart so keep that love stays hot, ne? Wish you luck in love and cook! Talk about friend, totally remained me about this one, coming from Matt White, this is 'Falling in Love (With My Best Friend)'!"

**xxx**

Ah, Ino… Just another push to another obvious love catch! Hope Chouji will find his courage to say it faster so Ino won't blow up another kitchen to make such a simple dish like pancake. Put you on wonder what love can make you do, ne? Hmm, now I'm getting hungry. May go to Ichiraku for nice bowls of pork-miso ramen! Yum! How the heck that teme could mock my Godly and ultimate great food as ramen? Stupid teme! Oh, crap, another wondering! Back to work, dattebayo!

**xxx**

"That's last song from Nelly feat Kelly Rowland truly make me feel, hmmm… wanna get me gone? Impossible, guys! The show is not over yet! This is the next letter for tonight, came from fatebelieverguy.

**_Hello, Q, how do you do?_**

"Hi, how do you do?"

**_Well, to put it simply, maybe… I'm in love. No, I AM in love. Smitten with an emotionless face red head and I'm desperate! This guy is totally unique. He's so different from my other friend, though he's been in our circle not quite long. My long friend befriended with him first and when my friend introduced us, it's just like I drawn in his turquoise eyes. And I never make it to the surface since then. His calm demeanor put me at ease when I'm around him. He gave me a sense of peace just by stayed at his side. And his smile, God, you don't know how enticing his little gentle smile could look. How soft his eyes when he smiled like that. I'm totally in love, am I? But I'm not sure he likes me. Sure, we hang-out together and I'm in a good base with his siblings (he's the youngest, you know) and everything is fine as we are now. But it's not enough anymore. But, God, I'm not even sure if he's gay. What do you think I should do? I'm worried that if I confess, he will put an end to our friendship. Totally clueless, fatebelieverguy._**

"There's nothing more embarrassing than a back-stabber except a coward. If you really love him, fight for his love. Sure, not knowing about his orientation gave a little twist on the chase but if you still think that it's worth the catch, go for it! Being afraid is totally normal but to deny your-self happiness and certain answer?

"That's just stupid. I'm sure that this gorgeous one of yours will give you surprise if you choose to give him honesty like the both of you deserved. He's already such a good friend of you, so I'm sure it's not that hard to approach him. Don't lose confidence about how he sees you. Be sure about your feeling and I'm sure it will work in the end. Put up your courage, my man!

"This is 21th century already; you can't be sure about anything you think you know, that's why human able to change the blue-print of fate. Uncertainty just reminded me about this song. Check this out, guys, 'Parachute', from Cheryl Cole."

**xxx**

Another obvious push on Neji and Gaara! God, how I'll fell utterly joyful when those two got hitch! Oh, how Neji can be so blind for a genius. Why can't he see that Gaara is totally smitten with him? Hope I can hold the snicker, hahaha. Hmm, need to ask Temari-nee-chan to set a date. Maybe Kankuro will help too? What about a group date with Sakura-Sai, Lee-TenTen, Kiba-Hinata and Chouji-Ino? That can be worked! To where, to where? A beach? Nah, wrong season. A hanami? Yes! That might be worked!

God, how I hope my own love problem will turn out just as obvious as theirs. Yeah right, like hell it will. Love sometimes makes you blind, deaf and totally silent. Just like that certain bastard, always just pronounce his stupid "Hn". Why can't he see something as obvious as my feeling? Totally oblivious for a genius! Gah, that dense teme! Hey, there he is! Sat on the lounge couch while waiting for me to finish this last show. God knows why he insisted to wait for me. Ha, I bet he's afraid his fan-girls will ambush him when he's alone in our dorm. Prissy bastard! OK, just back to work, Naruto!

**xxx**

"Nobody wants to dance on their own, ne? Just like Robin said in her song, 'Dancing on my Own'. Nope, there's totally nobody who liked to dance on their own. Truly no fun, people! Trust me, I've try it. Okay, cut the fiddle-faddle. This is our next and last letter, coming from redeyedraven."

**_Q._**

"Hello, redeyedraven."

**_Do you have a brother? If yes, is he annoying? I got one and how I wish you know how annoying he is to make my letter more sense. See, this older brother of mine chose me as his psychology test subject then played twenty questions on me and got me red-handed to confess something I don't even realize. I'm in love…with my best friend. My GUY best friend. I'm totally clueless how to put a hold first but in the end, it makes sense. It explained how I like to be around him, to hear him yelling his love to salty monstrosity of food called ramen, his obviously tasteless fashion sense with his love for orange, his over cheerful personality with that loud voice of his and how beautiful he is with his gentle soft smile and twinkle blue eyes. I'm not afraid to say that he's beautiful, though he will get angry when he heard someone called him with that adjective. Now, give me a hint, Q. Will he get angry if I kiss him? No, I'm not sure if he's gay or even if he is, I'm not sure that he attracted to me like I do to him, but, it's worth the risk, right? Certainly uncertain, redeyedraven._**

Naruto needed to clear his throat before he said anything. He stared at the letter; he almost couldn't believe about what he just read. 'This's Sasuke-Teme's. This letter's writer is Sasuke-Teme! WHAT THE FUCK? How could you do this to me, you bastard!' Naruto only saw the deep gaze on Sasuke eyes to confirm his suspicion. 'Okay, I think he doesn't know that I know, let's play it calm, dattebayo! '

"Well, my only clue for you, redeyedraven, is... you'll never know until you do it. Whether a punch or a kiss your answer is, I guess it's totally worth it, ne? At least, in the end, you'll get you answer. Wow, what a busy night we have. I truly hope that next week will turn out to be this productive.

"Just send me your mail and if you get lucky, I'll try to help you solve your love problem on air! Oh, almost forget. Quote for this week came from no other than my mom. She said that you just need to be yourself, that's good enough for someone you love to love you back. Okay, that's for tonight, everybody.

"Thanks to my producer, Iruka-sensei, and my music director, Shizune-san. Thanks to you all for stay tune with me until this late hour and I wish you'll stay hopeful about love, no matter how uncertain you are. Keep hardworking guys, see you next week, good night!"

After bid his goodbye, Naruto turned around on his chair, only to caught a chaste kiss in his lips. Sasuke's lips is warm, soft, a little chapped and utterly right. How he loved to kiss him to the end of time, this bastard.

"Totally took you long enough, stupid-bastard, dattebayo."

Sasuke only rolled his eyes, " Shut up, dobe" and kissed him again, and again, and again, and again.

**~OWARI**

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><p>AND CUT! ROLE OUT, FELLAS!<p>

Thank you so much for reading this gift-fic! I know it's quite long (my longest one) but hope you still like it! XD

Please review and hope I'll got the inspiration to write the lemon sequel (no promise though =j but you can hope ;D)

HUGS, CHOCO-COOKIES & KISSES for those who REVIEW! ^^b


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